Report: Melania Trump Entered Country On “Bride of Frankenstein” Visa

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Because of his administration’s focus on immigration, President Donald Trump’s proclivity for marrying women born outside the United States has come under additional scrutiny. Last week, several outlets that his most current spouse, former model Melania Trump, entered this country initially on a visa program known as the “Einstein Visa,” which is set aside for immigrants who show “individuals with extraordinary ability.”

While some have pointed out that Ms. Trump would not be the first model to get her green card because of the Einstein visa, this morning word broke that the initial reporting on this story was incorrect, due to a poorly scanned PDF document.

“It turns out her original visa, was scanned just slightly crookedly, and some letters were left off,” one source in the White House told us under the condition of anonymity. “So, initially the press didn’t see the ‘Bride of Frank-‘ part.”

The Bride of Frankenstein visa program is a few decades old, but it was written for a very specific purpose to help a very narrow band of people immigrate to the United States successfully.

“The Bride of Frankenstein visa was introduced in 1956,” Rich Filderson, an immigration policy expert at a prominent east coat think tank told us, ” and it allows hot women from foreign countries to immigrate to the United States as long as they promise to marry absolute monsters. Any time you see a super rich, crusty, old white dude with a super-dank wife you can pretty much assume they came in on a BOF visa, but you should get to know the guy before you make judgments, in case he’s not a living, breathing cartoon bad guy.”

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Most Americans likely have never heard of the Bride of Frankenstein visa program, immigration experts say, because most Americans will never find themselves in the situation to take advantage of it.

“Despite what some may think, they’re more than just a government away from being millionaires,” Filderson said. “So chances are the vast majority of us would never even have to know about the BOF visa, much less have our disaffected, aloof, gold digging wives apply for one.”

In order for a woman to qualify for a Bride of Frankenstein visa, she much not only be marrying a rich man, but a rich monster. Filderson says that Trump “more than meets that qualification.”

“Anyone watching him mock the disabled, encourage protesters to be beaten up, or say there are good people among Nazis knows that he’s a monster,” Filderson said. “So it would totally make sense that Melania would qualify for a BOF visa based on his tweets alone.”

The White House did not respond to requests for comment.

Satire can also be found on The Political Garbage Chute and The Pastiche Post.

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