In Florida, educators are going to have to start asking Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q) to approve of all sexual education materials intended for students aged 15-17, according to a new order signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q).
MORE: Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”
DeSantis announced that he appointed Gaetz as the state’s new “Adolescent Sexual Information Czar” at an early morning press conference. The governor said he decided that his friend was the right candidate for the job after “careful and thorough deliberation.” DeSantis offered the post to Gaetz a few days ago, and the congressman informed DeSantis he’d take the position not long after.
“I don’t think anyone in this state can deny that when it comes to teaching young students about sex, nobody does it more than Matt Gaetz does it,” DeSantis said, “and that was before we were paying him to do it! Matt is such a good man, and is so devoted to teaching impressionable, sexually maturing young ladies about sex that he was doing it on his own dime! That’s the kind of devotion Florida needs in its educators and sexual predators.”
Gov. DeSantis indicated that Gaetz will not only be in charge of “personally instructing Florida’s young ladies in the ways of sex.” Gaetz will also teach an economics class to the same students.
“Matt had a great idea, and we told him to run with it. He suggested that we should also put him in charge of teaching an econ class to young ladies wishing to learn how to accept Venmo and PayPal payments and where to put the money so their parents don’t find out until the statute of limitations runs out,” DeSantis said while smiling. “And that right there proves why we Republicans just understand business and economics better than Democrats. I can’t wait to see what effect Matt has on the sexual behaviors of Florida’s students.”
MORE: Disney Junior Producing Show to Teach Kids How to Identify Fascists Pretending to Be Christians
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on TikTok, Patreon, Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.