Today, millions of Americans will stand in lines, sometimes for hours, to cast their ballots for president. Of course, there are several other important elected positions up for grabs, but the one most Americans will be watching the closest is the presidential contest. However, no matter who wins today, one thing is for certain — Americans can rest easy knowing that whether Donald Trump or Joe Biden comes out on top, this is the final day of the covid-19 pandemic outbreak.
Some readers might be confused by that notion, but as the leading medical non-experts in Trump’s campaign and administration told America, the coronavirus will “just disappear” after Election Day.
The coronavirus will “magically, all of a sudden go away and disappear and everyone will be able to reopen” after election day, according to Eric Trump. (Business Insider)
Executive Vice President of the Trump Organization and the son of the president @EricTrump Trump joins “JUSTICE” tonight to react to my opening monologue and much more. Take a look. pic.twitter.com/bnn6QF2y4j
— Jeanine Pirro (@JudgeJeanine) May 17, 2020
Because Americans know President Donald Trump and his surrogates would never, ever lie to the American people, and because they know there’s just absolutely no way the Trump administration would tell those lies just so they remain in power, that means regardless of the outcome of today’s election, the coronavirus should just magically disappear tomorrow, at some point.
“Oh of course! I totally forgot about that,” Dr. Anthony Fauci told reporters outside his home today. “Today’s Election Day, which means the global hoax of the coronavirus outbreak will end, roughly around midnight. I can’t believe I forgot my med school training where they taught us about Democrat hoaxes, and how they just stop once elections happen!”
We conducted several interviews with voters standing in line, waiting to cast their ballots, in several key, swing states. Many of them told us they’d completely forgotten about what President Trump and his aides and campaign staff have been asserting about the coronavirus. Some seemed genuinely relieved when they were reminded.
“Oh of course! I had completely forgotten about how, like, over a hundred countries decided to give enough of a shit about American domestic politics that they helped create a hoax virus that has killed almost a quarter million Americans,” Jack Jonathan Johnson, 45, of Grand Falls, Ohio told us. “Man, that’s a pretty big relief, knowing we could have a new president and be done with the coronavirus really soon! Thank God for global hoaxes!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.