House Republican Wants Congressional Inquiry Into Whether Hillary ‘Did a Benghazi’ On Trump Tower

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning a congressional Republican told reporters he planned to petition Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) to open a full congressional inquiry into the fire that broke out at Trump Tower this past weekend.

As he entered the rotunda to start the day’s legislative business, Rep. Tom Tompaulsen (R) was stopped by the press and asked to comment on the fire at Trump Tower. Thompaulsen, a loud supporter of the president’s, minced no words. Congressman Thompaulsen said his caucus “must act swiftly to make sure Hillary Clinton doesn’t destroy any evidence of her part” in the fire.

“Clearly this is another instance where we simply cannot let any stone go unturned, and we must to the bottom of this,” Thompaulsen said. “Wherever the facts lead us, as long as that’s where we want the facts to go, we must follow. Unless they start leading away from Crooked Hillary, in which case we must turn around and start looking in other places for facts that are more fair and feel more truth-ish to us.”

Buy this shirt and help us feed these kids that won’t keep bothering us about eating: https://teechip.com/donaldtrumpsmellslikepee

Thompaulsen believes that the fire at Trump tower “has all of Crooked Hillary’s hallmarks,” and believes former Secretary of State Clinton either set the fire herself, or she “added Trump Tower to her long hit list.”

“Seth Rich, Vince Foster, and now Trump Tower,” Thompaulsen said. “The connection is there, for anyone to see it. And we have to find out as a congressional body if she did a Benghazi to Trump Tower. My guess is she not only did, but that she did it to cover up the Bowling Green Massacre carried out by the Jade Helm Squadron.”

Rep. Thompaulsen will call on Speaker Ryan to request an official inquiry today.

“We know one thing for certain — everything is Hillary Clinton’s fault,” Thompaulsen said. “So the sooner we figure out how this is her fault, the better.”

Thompaulsen concedes that he may just be guessing, and that other explanations for the fire are possible as well.

“Maybe it was Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s fire,” Thompaulsen said. “We all know his chemtrails didn’t convert enough of us into willing gay soldiers in his personal disarmament squads! Maybe Trump has evidence on Barack HUSSEIN and that’s why Barack HUSSEIN set fire to Trump’s building. We’ll never know for sure, but we should definitely spend a few million dollars creating conspiracy theories for our base to believe instead of factual things.”

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama did not comment on this story.

James‘ satire is also found on:
Satirical Facts
Alternative Science,
The Political Garbage Chute
The Pastiche Post

Latest articles

D’Souza’s Documentary Claims 6 Trillion People Stuffed Ballots With Obama’s Birth Certificate

Right-wing media commentator, convicted felon, and manure magnate Dinesh D'Souza has a new documentary,...

Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC)...

A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it's been in 50 years to...

DeSantis Puts Gaetz in Charge of Florida’s Sex Education

In Florida, educators are going to have to start asking Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q)...

More like this

D’Souza’s Documentary Claims 6 Trillion People Stuffed Ballots With Obama’s Birth Certificate

Right-wing media commentator, convicted felon, and manure magnate Dinesh D'Souza has a new documentary,...

Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC)...

A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it's been in 50 years to...