In one of the fasted conducted public opinion polls in human history, it’s been revealed that nearly eight in every ten Americans — with roughly the same percentages worldwide — hope that the one true thing President Donald Trump has ever uttered is that he is indeed taking the anti-malarial drug hydroxychloroquine.
Though no major organization has approved the use of hydroxychloroquine to treat COVID-19, President Trump has bellowed forth several claims of its efficacy from the beginning of the pandemic crisis. The same man who suggested that injecting disinfectants or UV rays was both possible and perhaps a coronavirus treatment worth pursuing has also publicly pushed for the use of hydroxychloroquine. Despite so-called doctors and medical professionals warning that the use of hydroxychloroquine could have disastrous health effects up to and including death, the president has used his vastly superior instincts and gut feelings to keep thrusting hydroxychloroquine into the spotlight.
Today, while fielding questions from the Enemy of the People Who Are Constitutionally Mandated to Exist, Trump dropped quite a bombshell — he’s currently taking hydroxychloroquine.
"I happen to be taking it … right now, yeah" — Trump claims he's taking hydroxychloroquine, a drug he's touted as a potential coronavirus treatment despite a lack of evidence that can lead to potentially fatal heart problems pic.twitter.com/zxiNxlyfEs
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 18, 2020
Then again…is he?
According to some news outlets, Dear President Trump has told approximately 18,000 lies in less than 1,200 days in office. Lord God King Emperor President Trump and his administration of sycophants and grovelers have preferred to spin his relationship with the truth as “on again, off again, mostly never back on again.” The fact is that for some strange reason, many Americans believe that they can’t believe anything Trump says. Some feel it’s because of the actual words Trump uses, others feel it’s a liberal conspiracy to listen to the words coming out of his mouth and fact-check them against reality.
Almost immediately after Trump made the claim that he is taking hydroxychloroquine as a preventative measure against becoming infected with COVID-19, buzz filled social media feeds. However, as shocking as many found it for the president to admit to taking an experimental drug whose effects on COVID-19 aren’t proven, others immediately wondered if this was just one more thing he was not being completely truthful about.
That’s when the country’s most trusted public opinion data warehouse and polling company, We Poll You So Hard, sprung into action. They created and ran a world record setting poll of over 10,000 Americans using several different communication methodologies. We Poll You’s survey takers were asked two questions — whether they believe Trump is actually taking hydroxychloroquine, and whether they want it to be true that he’s taking hydroxychloroquine.
The results? An astounding 78% of respondents said they hope it’s true that President Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine. Roughly the same number of people, however, said they believe Trump is “totally full of fucking shit,” as the poll question put it, and that he’s lying about taking hydroxychloroquine.
Trump’s own FDA has urged people not to take take hydroxychloroquine unless directed by a doctor due to recent studies showing it is probably not effective against the coronavirus and there are major health risks when taking it. Citing the possibility of heart rhythm problems that could be fatal, the FDA cautioned anyone against taking the drug outside of a hospital setting or clinical trial. Despite these potentially fatal side effects, the overwhelming majority of people who took the poll said they still hope Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine.
“Almost everyone we asked,” explained We Poll You chief media liaison Kim Kimmel told reporters at a press conference this afternoon, “answered immediately that they think the president is a lying ass bag. But pretty much right after that sentence came out of their mouths, they told us that they still hoped he was taking it. Even after we told them about the harmful, maybe deadly risks of taking hydroxychloroquine, they all said they’d be totally cool with Trump conducting a real-life study of the drug on himself.”
President Trump issued a statement calling the poll “rude” and “nasty,” and it contained a stark threat. If We Poll You So Hard does not immediately “retract and destroy” the results of their poll, Trump will hold them in “presidential contempt” and possibly order a nuclear strike on their headquarters. Trump proclaimed that Attorney General Barr has “already said this is cool by him.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.