WASHINGTON, D.C. — A lot is going to have to change when President Donald Trump leaves office next month, but one thing he will insist stay the same is how his children — even the ones he pretends he doesn’t know — address him both privately and publicly.
“The president expects to be given his full honors for the rest of his life,” one source close to the situation told Fox News this morning, “and that means Don Jr, Eric, Tiffany, and Barron all have to keep calling him President Daddy for the rest of his life. Ivanka, however, can continue to call him Sugar Daddy.”
Trump is the first man to be impeached and attempt re-election. In both 2016 and 2020 Trump lost the popular vote, and he has the honor of having the most votes cast against him of any candidate in U.S. history. Despite the fact that he never had an approval rating over 48%, and his monumentally unpopular status among the majority of the electorate, Trump was reportedly still quite convinced he’d win a massive landslide, both with the Electoral College and the popular vote.
“It’s no big secret that President Trump has a strong allergic reaction to reality and truth,” White House Press Secretary Barbie McDitzydick explained this morning, “so nobody should be surprised that even after he’s no longer president, he’ll demand to live inside his own version of life, wherein he’ll be president for literally the rest of his life. It’s only fair, quite frankly, that he be given that small luxury, isn’t it?”
In addition to demanding his children and other family members keep referring to him as “President Daddy,” Trump apparently will also begin issuing executive orders from his Mar-A-Lago residence and will keep one routine from his presidential career going “no matter what,” McDiztydick said.
“He will keep golfing and tweeting conspiracy theories as he has done throughout his entire real presidency,” McDitzydick said. “Why should anything change in a fake presidency?”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.