Tucker Carlson Claims FBI Was Behind January 6th, Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and Obama’s Tan Suit

Published on

Last night, Tucker Carlson told his Fox News audience, without providing any proof, that the FBI was in some way related to the January 6th domestic terror attack on the capitol. During a radio interview today, Carlson not only reiterated his claims, he went on to accuse the FBI coordinating or “being involved with” every single attack on American soil, since the country’s birth.

Speaking on WKKK-AM to host Chip Chatterly, Carlson laid into the FBI, accusing it of being behind everything from Pearl Harbor to 9/11, and even the infamous tan suit worn by former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) one day.

NEW EMAILS: TRUMP ASKED HIS DOJ TO SUE ‘EVERY AMERICAN’ THAT VOTED FOR BIDEN

“We all remember what a horrific attack on traditional American values that suit was, don’t we, Chip? As if helping to plan and carry out 9/11 and Pearl Harbor weren’t enough,” Carlson whined, “the FBI goes and helps Obama pick the suit out! They took him to Men’s Warehouse for goodness’ sake, Chip!”

Chatterly asked Carlson what made him believe these things, and Carlson laughed that unhinged and yet extremely performative, forced laugh his audience loves so much.

“Well, for starters, I’m a rich white heir and trust fund baby. In this country, whatever I choose to believe is, therefore, fact,” Carlson said after letting his own fake laughter die down. “But also? Who cares if I have evidence? We have dozens of millions of Americans who believe whatever I say, simply because I feed them a steady diet of the politically-charged rhetoric they’ve been conditioned to agree with! I can tell them that the FBI was started by Satan himself and these people would believe me.”

Carlson promised to have “all the experts” on his show tonight to discuss his theory further.

“I mean ALL the experts, too Chip. The MyPillow Guy, Marjorie Taytay Greene’s crack dealer, all of them,” Tucker said. “The experts. They’re gonna tell me why I’m not only right, but should probably get some kind of prize for being so right. You’re not gonna want to miss tonight’s show, Chip!”

DON JR SAYS THE CURRENT PRESIDENT CALLS HIM JUST AS MUCH AS THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENT

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

D’Souza’s Documentary Claims 6 Trillion People Stuffed Ballots With Obama’s Birth Certificate

Right-wing media commentator, convicted felon, and manure magnate Dinesh D'Souza has a new documentary,...

Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC)...

A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it's been in 50 years to...

DeSantis Puts Gaetz in Charge of Florida’s Sex Education

In Florida, educators are going to have to start asking Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q)...

More like this

D’Souza’s Documentary Claims 6 Trillion People Stuffed Ballots With Obama’s Birth Certificate

Right-wing media commentator, convicted felon, and manure magnate Dinesh D'Souza has a new documentary,...

Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC)...

A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it's been in 50 years to...