NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent time during his show’s broadcast last night to lament the fact that it “barring a miracle,” as Carlson put it, President Donald Trump lost the election last week.
“Folks, I’m sorry, but it just seems like, for some reason, more Americans didn’t want Trump to be president than did,” Carlson said, sadness drenching his tone of voice, “And that’s despite all of us warning them how terrible the country would look under Joe Biden. You’d think baselessly smearing a center-right politician as a socialist would have made the vote counts a lot more in Trump’s favor, but apparently this country just isn’t ready for an autocratic, inept failure of a white collar crook president for a full eight years.”
As he accepts reality, that Trump will be a one-term president, Carlson started to pivot to what his show will focus on starting in January — attacking President-elect Joe Biden. The first thing Carlson told his Fox audience he needed to do was “hold ol’ Sleepy Joe accountable” for the nearly quarter million Americans who have died as a result of complications from COVID-19. Though the pandemic outbreak of the coronavirus started and has taken place during President Donald Trump’s tenure as president, Carlson insisted Biden should “own up to” and “take responsibility” for the U.S. death toll.
“First of off, Donald Trump has never been held accountable for a single one his failures, and starting now just seems so ridiculously unfair to him,” Tucker said, “and that’s not even getting into the fact that’s 100% reverse-racism on whites, too. The simple fact is that Joe Biden has been president for -70 days and he has yet to take the onus for all the people Trump let die. Why is that, America? Why is Joe Biden anti-responsibility for Trump’s failures?”
Carlson suggested that over the course of his term, there will be “lots of things” Trump screwed-up that Biden “has a moral obligation” to blame himself for.
“When they finally empty those cute little kinderkoncentration kamps our Dear President built,” Carlson said, “Joe Biden better be right there, apologizing and taking responsibility for what Trump did. If he doesn’t, you really are left with no other conclusion than Joe is an un-American traitor for selling out an American president.”
Tucker explained that if Trump can take credit for Obama’s economy, then Biden should be able to take the blame for the U.S. coronavirus death toll.
“As we just watched for the last four years, presidents are entitled to take or leave anything they want,” Tucker insisted. “So if Joe wants it, he can have the blame for almost 250,000 American deaths. But he probably won’t do it, because Joe is a far-left radical liberal and we all know liberals are too lazy to do anything, even taking the blame for fucking up a pandemic response when they weren’t even in office. How sad, Joe. How very sad, indeed.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.